Monday, June 14, 2010

Waiting.

I feel like my life is on hold right now; I'm not living it so much as waiting for it to begin. There's been a lot of stages in my life that I've felt that--waiting to finish school and be an adult, waiting to get married... Now that I have small kids, it's hard to have a social life. It's hard to choose between nursing my son and having some fun. It's even harder when you're living on one not so large income.

I want to move. I want a home we can more reasonably afford now that our financial situation has changed so drastically since we bought this one. I want to fulfill my lifelong dream of living 30 minutes from the beach. Then reality sets in; my husband works half an hour from where we currently live, and the odds of him finding a job remotely close to where I want to live are very small. Further, he's very happy where he is, so how can I put my happiness ahead of his as well as his livelihood? Add in a terrible market, after we bought our house as it was just starting to slide down, and we'd lose a good deal of money on the sale of our home. This all just makes my dreams sound dumb.

Saying that brings me to tears.

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